A lot has happened in the last 4 months. Mercy and I are Back in India and today the girls all come back from the homes we put them in while we were in the states. When it's all said and done we don't have any more money now then we did before left and our ability to buy land and build a permanent home for the orphanage is no closer then it was a year ago. 

   I'm not sure what I expected when we set out 3 years ago to start this care facilite. But to be honest I never expected the weight of it all. Constantly trying to find work so I can pay the bills and at the same time constantly turning away requests for help and being endlessly picked at by anyone and everyone that assumes since I am American I have money to give away. Giving up every priveldge you dare to while still trying to keep your own family happy. The knowledge that if I could find a little better contract and make a little more money I could help more people buy the car we need or the new beds or the larger facilite and yet not having time to work with the people and resources we have because I'm so busy working. Being shunned by anyone that we are not working with because they fear we would ask them to help support us.  In the last 3 years we've helped around 50 children to one degreee or another. We've worked with maybe 30 widows with maybe 5 of them showing any permament change in their lives. At the end of it all sitting back and reviewing what we are accomplishing and wondering if in the end it's worth all the effort.

     The excitemnt is gone the expectations and illusions are evaporated. Now it's down to the day to day of doing the best we can. I work as hard as I can to make as much as I can and fill the gaps between work with counseling the people Mercy works with each day. Day by day we move ahead. Every now and then we get some help and as we have walked this trail many have joined up with us and walked a mile. Their support is appreciated but we know there is no golden ticket nor money lying on the beach. There are no large dollar philanthropists that will grace us with a gift of land and building waiting around the next bend. What lies ahead is a long hard uphill road. 

   Three years ago I started this blog so those that come behind would know what to expect. Expect to cry and fight and get frustrated. Expect the needs to outway the resources no mater how great your resources are. Expect to be disappointed by those you work with. Expect your emotional investment to be spurned when you stop paying for their habits. Expect a broken heart. Expect that every now and then something will happen that will raise the work above a drudgery but only enough that it makes you wonder if it's really worth it. This is not glamerous nor is it even gratifying. This is work pure and simple. Some days it's fun some days it's boring and some days you just want to quit but it's always work.